Chapter 8

Th next class continues, it is a new chapter but it is still related. We learn more about relationship stages and theories. After we developed a good sense and etiquette to bring out our conversations,  we can identify the effectiveness of interpersonal communication that can form and relate to relationships around us.

The picture above shown the relationship stages. The first one is contact, which one people are aware of another people existence, it is mostly impersonal and ritualise. In this stage, perception and interaction take place. The second stage of relationship is where people have tighter bonds and engagements with other people, expect light bonds of friendship and added into the friend zone. At this stage, testing and intensifying stages take place. At the testing stage people would ask: “Hey, do you want to go somewhere for a movie?”; “Do you like this subject?” Then the intensifying stage can be be identify as he amount of commitments you committed to that someone. For example, dating someone or having appointment with your friend. The third stage which is intimacy, during the third stage you would be comfortable and able to believe that person. Interpersonal commitment and social bonding will take place at this moment. After that comes the deterioration. This stage is where friends fall apart because some of the factors might or will affect each others relationship. For example, cultural factors, which your family or yourself do not like a certain culture. We would be consider very luck if we are still close friends with our primary school friends or childhood friends, because after we grow up we would have different thinking and that thinking might not satisfied you with your friends. After that it comes to repair, repair is the fifth stage of relationship which those who are affected in the fourth stage deterioration which you try to work things out with others. At this stage, intrapersonal and interpersonal repairs will occur. For example interpersonal, you may consider changing your behaviour or your thinking for your friends instead of changing your friends thinking. For interpersonal, you would talk and discuss properly with the problems your and your friends had. came back as angers like before. At this stage, interpersonal and social separation occurs. For example, you separate yourself from your friends because you don’t like people who smokes or people who irritates you that much. For interpersonal separation, you may not see each other anymore and may not return messages, for example you broke up with your girlfriend and you don't tend to talk to her anymore because she broker your heart.

After that we learn about relationship theories, there are 6 of them which includes:

1. Attraction Theory
2. Relationship Rules Theory
3. Relationship Dialectics Theory
4. Social Penetration Theory
5. Social Exchange Theory
6. Equity Theory

In attraction theory there are four types. The first one is similarity, it is the attraction to a certain someone who has belief or same ideas with you. Second is proximity, it is an attraction to someone who are close to you. For example in a range or a specific location. The third one is reinforcement, which attracts you to an individuals who reinforces your same personality and lifestyle. Lastly theres physical attractiveness and personality. It is an attraction to physical and mental attributes, for example your physical body like your charming face. Then the second relationship theory is the relationship rules theory there are four different relationships and they have different relationship levels and attributes. The first one is friendship rules. For example best friends and normal friends which we have to respect the rules and boundaries. The second one is romantic rules, it is almost same as the friendship rules but it is more to couple like in a relationships. The third one is family rule. Different family has different rules in their family, like traditional family it is a must to have dinner every night at home. Lastly there is the workplace rules. Different roles of your position in your workplace will affect the relationship. For example, the CEO of the company will have a gap between the waiters and chefs. After that, it comes relationship dialectics theory. There are three pairs of opposites which are closeness and openness, this i when an someone likes to have others attention and at the same time they like to be involve in one of a society or a group of friends. Then there is the autonomy and connection. This occurs when someone like to have both independency and dependency towards one another. Lastly there is the novelty and predictability. This is when someone that like special things, for example surprises or uniqueness and he or she is able to predict things and make it within the schedules planned. This is why there are people with high ambiguity and some other has low ambiguity. Furthermore, we learn about the social penetration theory,  when normal friends we will have normal activity like hanging out, when we are with our partners like girlfriends or boy friends we might hangout even more and even kissing. The relationship goes in deeper, the more you know the person the more you can or will talk with him, this will make the conversation deeper and more meaningful. After that, we learn the fifth relationship theory which is the social exchange theory, this will bring benefits when forming relationship with someone. Lastly there is the equity theory, this theory is more on forming professional relationship with people.

After that we learn about the dark side of interpersonal relationship. When our relationship gets complicated, it may lead to ugly things in life and with one people, this includes siblings and close friends.

One of the most common example is jealousy, or the other words called envy.

Below are the different types of jealous that may occur in our daily life:
a. Cognitive jealousy
b. Emotional jealousy
c. Behavioral jealousy

Cognitive jealousy occurs in our everyday life. For example, your groups of friends went out together for a movie but they didn't invite you because they could not contact you and you do not believe them, this is an example of cognitive jealousy. For emotion jealousy, it is seeing someone you like react to something that you could not control. For example, you are jealous that your girlfriend replying another guys text messages. Then there is the behavioural jealousy, this occurs when something changes and take place and that individual starts to get jealous. For example, you read your boyfriends text message to see weather he cheated on you or not.

At the end of the chapter, we learn the last thing which is relationship violence. This occurs when a relationship with someone is bad or it is hanging around. There are three types which are physical abuse, verbal or emotional abuse, it can also be from the internet like Facebook, and sexual abuse.